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*~*Discovery*~*

March 14th, 2011


12:20 am - What is there to say...
 So like... over a year ago now I decided to start posting more in my LiveJournal. El. Oh. El.

I dunno, I guess life gets in the way and I don't find it very important to post here, or post any blogs or write in a journal or anything.

I feel so melancholy and sad lately. There's just... I don't know. A deep sadness situated in my heart and I can't really express what it is, I guess.

This post was meant to be longer, but I've literally run out of steam. I hope to update this later in the week. I just feel so busy all the time, and then lazy too. I meant to do so much stuff today and instead just sat on my computer. That shit has to change.

Anyway... Meh. Until the next time.
Current Location: United States, Aurora, E Powers Dr, 18858
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Rolling in the Deep - Adele

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October 10th, 2010


09:27 pm - Disappointment
Disappointment is a really ugly word. And more and more lately, I just find myself being disappointed.

I wish I had more to say. I probably do, but honestly.... It's not even worth talking about. I'm just disappointed and depressed. 

I wish that people would keep their word when they told me something. I just don't understand how it's so hard for other people to just remember something they told me. I remember when I make promises, and if the person matters to me, I make an effort, or at least try to.

I'm just tired of being ignored and forgotten and taken for granted. Is it really too much to ask for my own little love story? Too hard for someone to put my wants and needs ahead of their own? Because I would do the exact same thing for them. I just don't know that it's so much to ask for someone to love me the way I would love them. Or maybe it is. 

I think I'm just gonna grow up to be the old crazy dog lady. And I guess that's okay too. I wouldn't want to put up with my own personal brand of crazy for the rest of my life either, heh.
Current Location: United States, Aurora, E Powers Dr, 18856
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Monday Monday Monday - Tegan and Sara

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April 12th, 2010


09:55 am - Nineteen...
 I felt you in my legs
Before I ever met you.
And when I lay beside you
For the first time
I told you,
"I feel you in my heart
And I don't even know you."
And now we're saying bye,
Bye,
Bye.

Now we're saying bye,
Bye,
Bye.

I was nineteen.
Calling...

I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to.
Felt the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
"I feel you in my heart
And I don't even know you."
And now we're saying bye,
Bye,
Bye.

Now we're saying bye,
Bye,
Bye.

I was nineteen.
Call me...
I was nineteen.
Call me...

Flew home, back to where we met.
Stayed inside, I was so upset.
Cooked up a plan, so good except
I was all alone; you were all I had.

Love you.
You were all mine.
Love me.
I was yours, right?
I was yours, right?

I was nineteen
Call me...
I was nineteen
Call me...


I just felt like I needed to share the lyrics to Tegan & Sara's Nineteen. It hits a chord within me, and I'm a little obsessed with this song. It's playing on repeat right now. That's all. Enjoy it.
Current Location: United States, Aurora, CO
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Nineteen - Tegan & Sara

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March 9th, 2010


10:26 pm - Basically, I wish that you loved me...
 Look, all I know is
You're so nice;
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could
Give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was
Your
Favorite girl.
I wish you thought
I was the reason
You were in the world.
I wish my smile
Was your favorite kind of smile.
I wish the way that I dressed
Was your favorite kind of style.
I wish you couldn't figure me out;
But you'd always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset.
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face
When we first met.

I wish you
Had a 
Favorite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
Cuz it was
On a hidden bit
That nobody else could see.

Basically
I wish that you loved me.

I wish that you needed me.
I wish that you knew
When I said "two sugars"
Actually
I meant three.
I wish that without me
Your heart would break.
Yeah I wish that without me
You'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.

Yeah, I wish that without me
You couldn't eat.
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before
You went to sleep.

Look, all I know is that
You're the nicest thing
I've ever seen.
And I wish we could see
If we could be
Something.

Yeah, I wish we could see
If we could be
Something...
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Nicest Thing - Kate Nash

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March 8th, 2010


09:57 pm - Drudgery
So... I have no real purpose in writing here, except that I think it would be good for me to get back into blogging. It's a place that I can write down exactly what I feel or think and I can delete or turn off the comments so I don't have to hear anyone else's thoughts on it either. :P

Honestly though, I think just writing about the mundane stuff will help me open up about the big stuff and kind of... just dump everything out of my mind to help me organize my thoughts and feelings. I think that's my issue; I just get overwhelmed by what's going on and I never sit down and just let it all out so I can organize myself.

I'm looking for a new job. it's not that I don't like my job at the Gap, but it's just not... Perfect for me, especially considering how little I get paid and how little hours I'm getting right now. 10 hours doesn't cut it for me when this job is my livelihood and it supports all my bills, gas, car repairs, etc... I'm barely able to make ends meet at this point, and I'm lucky I'm staying afloat. It's been since AUGUST since I've had any kind of "excess" in my bank accounts between paychecks, and at most it's like.. $5-$25 between paychecks. It's terrible.

So I applied for one today. It's a bit further from my house, but honestly it's not too terribly far. It is a guaranteed 15 hours a week, it's $10-$15/hour depending on experience (of which, I have a ton, and I know I'm worth at least $13 an hour, considering my computer skills and ability to learn). The hours are freakin' PERFECT, and I get to be flexible about it, which means I can take my brother to school and even pick him up, still have time to make dinner every day, and be able to go to school without feeling terribly rushed and stuff. Plus weekends off = win.

So I'm really hoping I at least get an interview for this job. I'm gonna keep sending them emails (like.. one on Friday, another next week if I haven't heard from them) and just hope for the best. 

But anyway... Other than that, saw Alice in Wonderland over the weekend... TWICE! It was so amazing. The 3D was -great- and even the 2D version didn't disappoint. Definitely going to have to buy it when it comes out on DVD. I swear, '09 and '10 have just been AWESOME years for multiple movies.

I was disappointed with how the Oscars turned out though. As glad as I am for Katherine Bigelow, I'm sad James Cameron and Avatar didn't win for Picture of the Year. I really really really loved that movie. I might be a little biased though, as I am like Sam Worthington's biggest fan. That might be a lie, but god that man is SEXY. 

Anyway... Tonight has been a melancholy sort of night. Glad I got a bunch of photoshop stuff done, but at the same time, feeling a little pressured and stressed about it. At least I have tomorrow off as well so I can really get some stuff done and not feel so bad that it's March and I'm working on stuff from DECEMBER, oh my gosh. 

I guess mostly I'm just feeling kind of lonely. It's been a long time since I've had a boyfriend or really anyone to be intimate and comfortable with. It's kind of disappointing, to say the least. On the other hand, there's plenty of time and I just need to make the opportunities for myself to meet people. And kick my butt into gear with getting back into shape. I have so much weight to lose, it seems so daunting. But if I can just hit another 40 lbs off before the end of July, I will be ecstatic. It will put me at the weight I was when I left Brad, pretty much.

And after that it'll just be another 40 lbs, and I'll feel pretty damn good about myself. Gotta take it in small chunks though. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! Just gotta keep telling myself that.

In other news, school is going well. I'm sooooo happy to be back in Japanese. It really makes me happy to be learning another language and feeling like I'm getting it. Astronomy isn't a breeze, but the way he tests us is, so I'm getting an A in that class. The only thing I don't like is my English class... And it's not even the teacher! Because he's actually -really- awesome. But it's just that I've done this class before, basically... Senior year of high school, college prep writing... We had to write a reasoned argument paper and debate it... and in this class we're writing two, on the exact same subject. And it's just... boring. I get frustrated easily because I'm the only one who offers anything in that class, I get picked on by the teacher, but it's like, I'm not gonna sit there and waste fifteen minutes waiting for other people to volunteer answers. Oh well.

At this point, I think I'm just rambling, so I think I'm gonna head out for now, but I'll probably be back tomorrow or something. Need to keep writing, get it all down, just have some place to talk to that doesn't need to talk back or feel like I'm being selfish or talking over it.

If you read all this, kudos! And have a good night. ^_^
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: coldFrickin' Freezing!
Current Music: Hometown Glory - Adele

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February 27th, 2010


11:05 pm - CO BJD Anniversary Meet!
 So. I never write in this thing, but figured maybe I'd share my day today.

A little backstory; about a year and a half ago, I discovered "ABJD" or.. Asian Ball Jointed Dolls... A friend of mine from a forum I belong to had posted that she was getting one, and asked if anyone else collected them/knew about them. So then the people that did kinda came out of the woodwork and posted up their resin babies and I got really interested.

I -finally- got the fundage to order a doll and she's now ordered and I'm waiting till around April or May (possibly June, oi!) for her to come home! In the mean time, I've already picked up at least one wig for her, a pair of shoes, and am working on ordering some eyes, and then after that is CLOTHES. *_*

So anyway, I joined a forum for BJD owners back in December (because I wasn't too serious before then, just kind of interested but also knowing how expensive this hobby is!), and discovered that in Colorado we have a big group of gals that gets together once a month to bring their dolls together, have a ton of fun, and generally just hang out and share our hobby. So I got to go to my first meet every today, and luckily it was the 4th anniversary meet.

I met some amazing people, including Penni, the hostess, and her literal ARMY of resin babies, LOL! Seriously, she has a ton, and they're all gorgeous and her Reddiker Woodes 'houses' for her dolls are just amazingly done. Honestly, it was just great.

Everyone was so nice and welcoming, they let me play with their dolls a little bit, they chatted with me even though I didn't have my own doll, and I even rehomed two of the random wigs I had received in the Leeke blind wig order I made earlier this month. (PS, they look AMAZING on their new owner!) Penni was sooooo incredibly nice, her little man was so CUTE! oh my gosh. Her house is gorgeous, and she even gave us the CUTEST goodie bags. All around, it was -freaking- -awesome-.

So I had to leave a bit early though, because I had another function to attend. I was popular today! It was a good feeling, considering most every weekend I just hang out at home on my computer and listen to my brother play video games on his 360 next to me. :P

Anyway, there's a girl named Kristin in my Astronomy class, and she has two daughters. One turns 10 in August, the other just turned 5 yesterday, and her birthday party was today! :) Kristin invited me over, and I was there for like 6.5 hours! We just hung out, I took pictures of the baby girl opening her presents, got to really hang out and get to know Kristin's mom and her brother and his girlfriend. They were all really nice, and I just had a really good time.

I'm just thankful for the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. I had an amazing time today, it was just so nice to get out of my house and spend time with people that are new and happy to have my company. ^____^

Anyway, exhausted. Going to pass out and dream about resin babies.

OH! I also have to say HOW ECSTATIC I am to have met Wendy... especially considering that she has my DREAM DOLL and is selling her to me for a less than half of what the doll normally costs. *_* You rock, Wendy, I really think it was fate just keeping you from putting her up in the market place or on ebay before I got to you!

As for the rest of you, if you read this, thank you SO MUCH for such a great time. You're great ladies, can't wait to see you again! 

Good night! <3
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha

(Leave a comment)

February 5th, 2010


08:46 pm - Time, or the Lack Thereof
Just needed a place to post and vent and bitch about TIME, without being judged or told what to do.

Let me preface this by saying, I LOVE my job, I LOVE school, I love my family and my friends, so this is in no way a bitch or a rant about ANY of that. It's just about time now that I'm doing SO MANY THINGS.

I am EXTREMELY grateful that the Gap hired me after Old Navy told us they were closing down at my location, and I -am- really happy that they have hours to give me per week. I need the money, I am a poor starving college student (well... I live at home, so not starving, but still!) that pays all my own bills (except rent/food, since my mama pays for the house/food/cable)... But still. Cell phone, car insurance, etc. 

But.. I just re-started school after 5 years away, and it's hard getting back into the groove... Homework getting done on time, focusing, studying for quizzes, etc. It's just not something I've devoted time to in a long time, and it's been hard for me to focus on it.

I go full time, so that's 12 hours a week in the actual classrooms, plus it takes me around 5 hours per week to go to and from the school. I actually DO do the homework and stuff, so add another like.. 3-4 hours a week for homework. We're already at around 20 hours, just for school, at the beginning of the semester (and I have no misconceptions that it'll stay that way, I know it'll get more time-consuming/harder)... Add onto that the obligations I have at home; I cook dinner almost every night before I go to class, unless I'm working later that day... I take my brother to school in the morning, get his lunch ready, pick him up on the days I'm off in time or not working, do laundry, clean, etc.

And now, I'm working 8 days in a row. EIGHT. IN A ROW. Yes, I'm grateful for my job, but 45 hours in two weeks on top of school and everything else is QUITE a lot. 30 of it being NEXT WEEK ALONE. Ugh. :(

And I just had to get this out because it bothers me. Yes, I could have NO job. I could have no school and stuff. Believe me, I've been in BOTH places, and fairly recently too. So I'm grateful for my job.

But my social life is suffering (what little I had anyway!), the time I need to be able to work in photoshp has all but vanished, and I still have a TON of work owed that I have to get done. It's just frustrating. I hate juggling shit. :(
Current Location: United States, Aurora, E Powers Dr, 18896
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
Current Music: Ke$ha - TiK ToK

(Leave a comment)

April 27th, 2005


04:19 pm - Photobucket
This is a test post from Photobucket.com

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October 26th, 2004


01:26 am
HASH(0x88f79f0)
Your soul is bound to the First Totem, Ares:
The Dove
.

Ares appears as a pearl dove. She embodies
love, peace, balance, and devotion. She
is associated with the color pearl, the season
of transition, and the element of love. Her
downfall is idolization.

You are most compatible with Wolves and White
Stags.


Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Leave a comment)

October 12th, 2004


08:37 pm - Funny quiz, hehe.
Jrock Soap Opera by IHeartKakashiSensei
Name/Nickname/Etc.
Humor me! Name a Jrocker! Any Jrocker!
The name of your soap opera isTrue Passion
Your soap opera personality isgentle. You just want to be held!
Your best and most loyal friend isGackt (Ex-Malice Mizer/Solo)
Your main love interest throughout the series isKirito (Pierrot)
Jealousy! This guy wants you, no matter what!Yura (Psycho le Cemu)
Shocker! You have a long lost brother! He isKyo (Dir en grey)
It happened! You are pregnant! The father isHyde (L'Arc-en-Ciel)
Random Soap Opera Happening #1Your lover leaves you! Don't worry. He comes back.
Random Soap Opera Happening #2The jealous one frames your true love!
Does it end well?Your story has a very tragic end...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

(Leave a comment)

October 2nd, 2004


08:59 pm - Life in General! Play the Gameshow!
Well... I guess I decided to move on.. I will keep this livejournal and post in it on occasion, because it keeps me in contact with a lot of people. However, I think I'll be doing the Xanga thing like everyone else, lol. Click here to access my Xanga account. Hope to hear from you all! *wave*

Shlee
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Green Day - Bouldevard of Broken Dreams

(Leave a comment)

September 6th, 2004


10:49 pm
Hey there. Well... I don't know.. life is kinda odd right now.

I did, however, get to switch my math class. Now I don't have class at 8 in the morning EVERY DAY! lol. And I'm excited for my two new positions I'll be having online.. I get to be fairly close to owner of an RPG (I'm like.. VP or something) and I also get to become some type of moderator on my friend's forums.

Hmmm.. I do feel bad, however, for a couple of my friends.. and me, sort of. I've been kinda depressed lately, but that's another story...

They're depressed too, though, and it really makes me sad and upset. I hate it when my friends aren't feeling well. I always try to make them feel better, but it hasn't been working tonight.. *sigh* Oh well.. Anyway, I think I need to go read my homework now. *hugs* See y'all!

(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")o BUNNY!

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August 31st, 2004


10:45 am - Eek
Well... This is the first time I've ever updated my LiveJournal.. or even really used it.. I suppose that's okay. I dunno.. I've already got another blog, so having this one seems sort of.. retarded.. But I guess this one will be more private.. Most people won't know about it, and really, the only people that need to are the people with LJ accounts that I've got as friends, or whatnot.. So this will probably be even more in depth into my life, and the other one will get shoved under the rug like normal, lol. Anyway... Well, I hope you enjoy. I'll probably be back later. Ja!

*~*Shlee*~*

You are a Bunny!
You are a Bunny!


What kind of furry are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

holding hands
hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

christian
Christian


What Moulin Rouge Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Morpheus
Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

ANIMAL
You have an animal soul! Arent you lucky! You are
very interactive with animals and can
understand them even if you dont speak their
tongue. The birds arent afraid of you, deer can
eat out of your palm, and every dog will roll
over for you. As an Animal Soul, you follow
your instinct, sometimes making rash decisions,
and not thinking properly. If you dont
understand something, you reject and push it
away, and can get very disastrous when angry.
At the same time, youre a very kind person who
can make people feel better, and are
understanding and compassionate. One of the
great things about you is that your rarely
jealous, and know that you have to share and
help other people if you want to survive this
world. You are very loyal and optimistic, and
can make it through the toughest times.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Tis an ice dragon breathes...when the first snowflake doesnt melt....
Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!


What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Unicorns are pure....
Your a Unicorn! Unicorns are pure, innocent,
magestic creatures that have a spiraling white
horn growing out of their forehead, and a white
graceful, horse's body. Unicorns represent the
sign of purity, innocence, friendship, healing,
rejuventation, and truth. Your horn is rare and
prized, but you tend to be naive, lured by a
child'ss cry. Unicorns are rare, beautiful and
shy mythical creatures, and you are lucky to be
one.


What Mythical Beast are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Big Cat Furry
Big Cat Furry (leopard, puma, cheetah, panther. ART
COPYRIGHT TO: www.redpanda.com (Sara Palmer)


What Kind of Furry Are You? (with lovely images)
brought to you by Quizilla
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: None

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